Patriotic Piers

Twitter does certainly have its uses. It provides a constant, unrelenting reminder of what a complete dickhead Piers Morgan is.

Multi-millionaire Morgan, who has spent the Olympics safely ensconced in the USA (where he records his shitty nightly chat show) has been taking to Twitter to lecture British athletes about their patriotic duties. Piers, who only seems to have discovered that he is a fierce jingoist (witness his ludicrous coverage of the Jubilee for CNN) since he left the UK, oddly (and has anyone noticed he talks a bit differently now he’s over there?), has taken particular umbrage at British medal winners not singing the national anthem when they receive their medals. And in a pretty sick twist on that theme, he is donating money to charity every time an athlete sings the anthem with sufficient vigour to appease the nation’s least favourite patriotic monarchist.

Last time I checked singing the national anthem isn’t compulsory. Some of us just can’t be bothered, and some of us are more than a little uncomfortable singing a song whose lyrics include the following:

Lord grant that Marshal Wade

May by thy mighty aid

Victory bring

May he sedition hush

And like a torrent rush

Rebellious Scots to crush

God save the King/Queen



We don’t all go in for brainless flag-waving and Scots-bashing, so it is pretty nauseating that Morgan is exploiting his celebrity to try and pressure people to singing something they don’t want to. And using his wealth to try and emotionally blackmail people into doing so. Think of the poor kiddies, you heartless Marxists.

He is using charity, something supposedly (but never actually) apolitical to publicise himself and brow-beat people into going along with his obnoxious cause.

A particularly target of Morgan’s ire is Bradley Wiggins, who is clearly just a little too cynical, doesn’t indulge in gushing and vacuous displays of patriotism and appears to possess his own opinions (shock! Horror!) on any given question. Also, unlike Morgan, he seems like a decent human being.

To wit:

“I was very disappointed @bradwiggins didn’t sing the anthem either. Show some respect to our Monarch please!”

It’s difficult to even know where to start deconstructing this ludicrous, sycophantic shit. Since when is it required of professional athletes to ‘show respect’ to our unelected, unaccountable monarch? Maybe some of us don’t think she is ‘our monarch’ (not that I have any idea why Wiggins didn’t sing the national anthem, although whatever the reason he is to be saluted for not doing so). It’s also interesting that Morgan specifies he wants respect accorded to the monarch and doesn’t mention the rest of the ordinary people who she is supposed to be the embodiment of. A Freudian slip, perchance?

Amusingly, a wag responded:

“@piersmorgan I was disappointed when you didn’t go to jail for insider trading or phone hacking, but you know, each to his own.”


Morgan should be in prison, but life has a habit of rewarding shameless, unctuous narcissists who are good at brazenly talking themselves out of any pickle, doesn’t it.

Let’s hope that on his next flight home to the UK Morgan develops deep vein thrombosis so severe that it kills him. If that happens I’ll donate loads to a kiddies charity, I promise.

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