A new low in the history of entertainment and I’m not joking

From time to time I venture out and soak up a bit of culture. A gig. A film. Normally gigs are way past my bedtime when I’m training for a race but I still like to take a look at what’s going on. Staying in touch with the youth. Down with the kids, as DC would say.

Making sure I’m not missing anything.

Normally I’m not missing anything. Virtually all of the bands I like have long since packed it in or have had leading members die.

I did toy with going to see The Levellers a couple of months ago. The toying lasted about five minutes and I managed to talk myself out of it. Not that I don’t like The Levellers, or that I was worried that a square like me would stand out in a crowd of hippies and bohemian Moseleyites like a sore thumb. I just didn’t want to part with the money and have races later this year that I have my eye on.

Who knows, I might change my mind and toddle along on the night anyway. That’s the kind of crazy cat I am. Unlikely though.

Anyway, what the last few lines of filler have been leading up to is that whilst glancing through the ticketing sites I came across this.

If you couldn’t be bothered to click on the link (I wouldn’t blame you to be honest) it is advertising the CHRIS MOYLES-LIVE tour. Here’s the publicity bumpf on the website:

Chris Moyles will be celebrating the end of an era by embarking on a UK tour this November!

‘Chris Moyles Live’ will be an 80-minute touring music and comedy show incorporating audience participation;

“This is my first chance to get out and see the fans since I left the radio show. It will be a night of singing and laughing and messing about. If you share my same sense of humour and love for bad karaoke, then this is the show for you.”

Accompanied by a live band Chris and his friends will perform songs, interspersed amongst the music there will of course be non-stop banter fun and games and a lot more.  Audience participation will of course be encouraged, creating the perfect party atmosphere with an interactive element!

Chris Moyles is the host of the longest running Radio 1 Breakfast show ever with an audience of 7 million listeners weekly, and over 2.5 million Twitter followers.

The tour isn’t just sitting back watching, laughing and singing, it’s a chance for the audience to participate too, making each night different from the next and surprises are around every corner.

I must confess to needing to read this several times through and checking the website thoroughly to make sure I wasn’t the victim of a spoof.

And I must confess to wondering how it can be possible that there are people alive today who would pay money to go and watch Chris Moyles talk (about himself, naturally) and ‘sing’. Anyone with the same sense of humour as that witless gorilla needs to consider sterilisation, quite frankly.

He isn’t remotely funny, can’t sing, has no interesting opinions and I would rather spend the night being waterboarded. The promised ‘banter’ will be sub-Top Gear lad shite that most intellectually able 6 year olds would be embarrassed to use in the company of their friends.

The ‘audience participation’ aspect fills me with a nameless dread and has ‘wet T-shirt contest’ written all over it, don’t you agree?

The very fact that Moyles has dared to take this show out on a national tour diminishes my faith in humanity a little bit (the Bournemouth show has already sold out…….) He clearly expects to sell a great many tickets.

To whom?

Seriously, who are these people? Where do they live?

I’ve always found the huge audience figures for his self-indulgent ego-trip breakfast show (a living demonstration of the dictum that the emptiest vessels make the loudest noise) baffling, but at least no one was handing over money (directly at least) to have their senses assaulted. But paying good money to be demeaned in such a way is simply astonishing.

Why anyone would want to spend a night that promises to be a cross between an episode of Hi-de-Hi and the worst pub you have ever been into is beyond me. If terrorists have got any attacks planned, then attacking the venues listed on that website link on the nights Moyles is ‘compering’ would seem as good a target as any.

Or, if Chris Moyles wants to celebrate the end of an era, how about a re-enactment of the last thirty seconds of Kurt Cobain’s life on the first night?

I’d be happy with either.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. NJH
    Sep 27, 2012 @ 19:27:13

    Some time ago, when there was a media outcry regarding wages paid within the BBC, a spokesperson defended Moyles and Fearne Cotton stating that they were worth every penny, that they were uniquely talented and very few people could do what they do. WTF? It is the equivalent of a team of hyperactive pre-teens, high on coca-cola and smarties. It is the same intellect, the same self obsession. The only difference that I can see is that Moyles and Cotton have contacts, the pre-teens wouldn’t have that. The pre-teens would cost the licence payers a hell of a lot less, too.
    The only person who willingly listens to Moyles that I know is my son. Mind you, he is a bit strange anyway. My other two would rather push red-hot needles into their own ears than listen.
    Overpaid, overhyped, talentless muppets, the pair of them.


  2. buddyhell
    Sep 27, 2012 @ 20:08:27

    Reblogged this on Guy Debord's Cat and commented:
    Great piece from The Mambo that examines the curious rise of Chris Moyles as a media star and now, entertainer. Yes, you read that correctly, Moyles is now on tour. As The Mambo points out, Moyles has no identifiable talent to speak of. He’s witless, unpleasant and full of himself. It also says a lot about the people who have bought tickets to his Bournemouth, er, show, which is sold out.


  3. Robert
    Sep 28, 2012 @ 07:33:47

    People do like him obviously, myself I have not turned on to Radio one for many many years, but sadly I dislike this bloke, mind you I would not want to blow him or his fans up with a bomb.

    I suspect this is his good bye tour as he moves into playing golf or taking up a bit of writing for a news paper, or even hosting some comedy program on TV with Hislop.

    But these people wages, your paid what the company thinks your worth, with the BBC of course it’s how much the public are willing to accept, my self I think we should be given the option of opting out of the BBC, and boy would I opt out.


  4. Keith
    Sep 29, 2012 @ 10:50:25

    Doesn’t it just serve to feed my misanthropy……….all the trouble and strife in the world today and now this is foisted on the poor British public. I despair of the future. He is to entertainment what John Terry is to race relations and veracity.


  5. SteveH
    Oct 02, 2012 @ 20:10:49

    Moyles success is a sign of the major regression that has been taking place in the West. The Daily Mail have been right all along but for the wrong reasons.

    Austerity will speed up this process, soon we will have sitcoms based on 70’s sensibilities. Music will reflect depression, I am thinkking of forming a band with a conservative bent, I may do a cover of Barbara Mandrell’s A beautiful morning with you, as I think this could resonate:

    “We’ve got a kitchen and a bed that’s all, we share a bathroom with folks down the hall, there’s a hole in the roof, rains leaking through but it’s a beautiful morning with you.”


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